Some Luck Continues

For those of you following the blow-by-blow I just wanted to update that Awesome *did* manage to get out of her NYE trip--- but that still leaves a couple of questions unanswered. One-- was it her doing, and two-- is she going to follow through on the "prospective" obligatory date she has with her neighbor? I've already gotten past the fact that she very well may not be spending NYE with me. After all it's kind of a loaded holiday-- especially to reunite with an ex. Perhaps I should be thankful that I'm potentially dodging an evening filled with significance and expectations.

So there's that. Also, today is officially my birthday. I turn 24 today-- but I still have 6 years left to prove to certain naysayers (mom!) that I will live past 30. My liver is still (somewhat) intact, I can hold my breath for more than 60 seconds, and if I have to, run from the police without getting tired (but I will be sore the next day-- it's a compromise).

To commemorate the event, here is a short list of accomplishments and things I've successfully been able to avoid in all 24 years of my life.

1. I once went 20 years without drinking any alcohol. Shut up, it counts.
2. I achieved my lifelong dream of working for a large newspaper, wrote stories, took photos, and was an integral part of the paper itself. Then I got fired. Oh well-- NEW GOALS! Woohoo!
3. I harbored a 10 foot neon sign in my living room after my friends stole it from a place that went out of business. We eventually returned it after the disappointing realization that we weren't going to make the 6 o'clock news.
   
4. I have yet, *knock on wood* to get a VD of any kind. Mononucleosis when I was 16 does not count, even though it is a form of herpes. It's like chicken pox, you assholes! Everyone gets it! And the reason it burned when I peed last year is not because I had the germ, but because my penis is too big urine is literally 250 degrees Fahrenheit. Like Chuck Norris, I eventually adapted and learned to use it as a weapon.
   
5. So far I've slept with over 20 women. This is NOT an accomplishment of any kind, nor is it anything to be proud of. I repeatedly feel saddened when I'm asked if I know a girl that people doubt I know-- and it turns out I've slept with her. Anyway, the real achievement here is that none of them would kick me out of their bed. YEA BABY! But don't worry-- I still have a deep respect and appreciation for everyone I've shagged.

That's all folks!!!!