Bar Advice... As Promised

Tips on how to not spend very much money when you want to go out to the bars:

1. The first drink anywhere has to be non-alcoholic. You think to yourself, what the hell do they serve without alcohol? Well, there's an array of soda, cranberry juice (my favorite), lemonade, and in some places- coffee. Not to mention water, which seems to be the cooler of choice. Of course, there's a trade-off with water. Water kind of screams to everyone either "I hate drinking, but here I am in a bar," or worse, "I have a problem and I'm drinking this water to get rid of it."
2. Every other drink is Cranberry juice. This is golden because Cranberry masks the taste of cigarette, whiskey, rum, or gin. It's also very nice to have on your tongue if you end up getting some lip action later. Yea baby!
3. Never chug. So what if the drink gets watered down because you're nursing it like a four year old. Everything the bartender put in your drink is still there-- so drink up! But slower.
4. This is an oldie but a goodie. If you know a bartender is still a little green to the game, ask them if they've been working on any brand-new drinks. Things that aren't on the menu, so to speak. If it's not on the menu, they can't charge you, can they? Good things.

These actions have helped me to spend a total of $4 as opposed to the usual 10 or 15. It helps to be friends with the bartender. Not like, "Hey buddy!" (high five) every time you see them, but let's say they get in a fix with some rowdy customers. It always helps to have his back-- even if you're just standing there. Girls, obviously you want to stay away from getting in a brawl, so the best thing to do is stroke his ego once he returns from throwing people out. "That guy looked mean! I thought he was going to hit you! (jokingly) Can you throw someone else out for me? Etc. Etc." Bing! Did someone say shots?

The other tip is to stay out of bars that don't have barstools at the bar. They're expecting people to get in and get out with their order. They care little about the customers, and a lot about tips. Tips are really important-- but not for a bartender that takes 5 minutes to bring you a fucking Michelob and 10 seconds to pour some bitch a cosmopolitan. I actually drink Budweiser, but Michelob seemed to fit better. Don't ask.