This one's gonna be a gem, for sure...

What a day. When I woke up today, all I really had the intention of doing was getting my phone back from the guy who found it at the bar last Sunday; getting a cup of coffee; looking for a place to live; and going to work with the idea that I might finish early enough to grab a beer afterwards.

Well, all of the above actually happened, and then some.

First of all--- to the guys. Have you ever wondered to yourself-- nay-- fantasized about how you would hold up if you were to go mano-y-mano with a virtual stranger? Let's say it's a friend of a friend that just didn't really rub you the right way. You always had it in for him. You've kinda dreamed about him making the wrong move, saying the wrong thing, or even, for the extremists out there, grabbing your girlfriend's tit. How would you muster in a toe-to-toe, man-to-man, all out call out?

Tonight, I found out how I'd do.

First, let me chop the tension into pieces by saying that I won.

"Won?" The girls say, rolling their eyes. "This isn't a competition..." "That's so macho..." "Real men don't fight."

To you, ladies, I say... bullshit.

As I was trying to drive a friend-of-a-friend home tonight, he got violent and tried to grab the steering wheel of my car, and swerved it into the left lane. I fought him off in the car long enough to pull over to the nearest gas station, then got out (keys out of the ignition) and opened the passenger door. Then, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him out of my car, across the pavement, and onto the grass.

For those of you that know where I live, this is the EZ Mart off N. Leverette.

Once he realized, "Hey, my ass is really wet because the guy who almost crashed his car because I grabbed the steering wheel just dragged me into the grass at this gas station parking lot." He stood up and challenged me.

Nevermind that. I ignored him. But then he had to run up and pound on the hood of my car as I was trying to pull out.

So I put it in park. I got out. He swung, missed. Swung again, I blocked it. I had a good shot, but it looked like he was backing off, so I didn't take it. Then he swung again, and I blocked it and served him a right hook that sunk him like a sandbag on a New Orleans beach.

The good news is, I found a really cool place earlier today.

I wonder, now, if I'm going to be known as the guy who kicked Mammal's ass. Probably not.