Time to take it down a notch

It's possible that I'm becoming the kind of person that people either love or hate. After the cataclysmic breakup from my ex, I basically went from a slow, downward dwindle to a lifestyle of darting back and forth between good judgment and irresponsibility.

Before then, I had every important person in my life tucked into specific areas...the ones who do bad things vs. those who do good, people who have direction and those that wander, people who crave attention and those who shun it.

My body has been getting very mad at me lately, and to spare you the details, let's just say that everyday wounds have been taking longer to heal. It's harder to wake up and get my day started-- although I've always been a bitch to deal with in the morning. Now, I'm seeming like a bitch to even myself.
Stubbing my toe on the way to my morning pee.
Hating very bright light.
Finding myself in situations where I'm having to throw the passenger out of my car, literally.
Rejoicing at even the slightest bit of good luck when similar things would barely earn a smile before.

Am I depressed? I don't think so. I think I am just finding happiness in some of the wrong places. I'm saddened when I realized that now that I'm in a position to care only for myself, I'm doing a shitty job. Am I supposed to wring a future parent out of who I am today? If I had to begin such a thing tomorrow, would I fall to pieces or be stronger in nine months?

Thankfully, I won't have to find out.

A lot of people think I'm joking when I tell them that I've taken a vow of celibacy. I thought this would make an impact on how I felt about life, but it hasn't. It's changed the way I view women, seeing as how I don't let flashes of get-in-her-pants instinct jostle my core like it used to. I get them and they pass, like a craving for a candy bar.

I don't know what's worse... planning to get a pack of cigarettes on the way home, and forgetting to stop at Walgreens, thereby continuing a bad habit--- or remembering once I'm home and just being too lazy to go a few blocks up the road and get it done.

I don't want to be in situations like that anymore. I don't want to have to limit my conversation the first hour or so that I'm up-- for fear that while I have a laugh, a phlem biscuit will come shooting out.

I don't want to look at the last 20 bucks I have in my pocket and try to calculate the impact that buying one more drink will have on the next day's budget.

So, right here, right now, I'm making a few rules for myself. They are paltry rules for a Jeffersonian, but for me, I think the strict application of these rules will push me back on to the path of having a healthy, productive, and enjoyable lifestyle.

1. Go out no more than once a week. It'll save money and my liver will thank me.
2. Walk more, stretch more, and generally exercise when I have the time.
3. Do laundry once a week, even if there isn't much to do.
4. Start saving up for something. Anything. Put money aside that I will not touch.
5. No more fried foods.
6. Since I read news stories all day, and form opinions on just about all of them, I should make a better effort to write those opinions down. I want to be healthy and wealthy when I do finally have kids, but I want them to have something of mine to prove that I was young, poor and stupid once-- just like they are/will be/have been.
7. Kick the smoking thing in the ass. I don't know how but I'm just going to try to smoke much much less.

That's it for now. I'll think of new rules as I go along, or when these rules are consistently adhered to. Eventually I'll expand on #2, setting more specific goals for my P.E.