anyone up for frenchin'?

I don't really know why Frenching is called "Frenching", but I assume it has something to do with France being queer. Not as in gay, even though they all kind of are, but as in just not right. If someone sees a couple sitting on a bench in the shade of an elm, lips locked, but at least a few inches of space between their hips... as in they're both sitting down, facing body-forward, but turned to embrace, then they are merely kissing.

"French" kissing is the kind of stuff that leads to French ticklers, and more importantly, sex, which we all know is pretty much the meaning of life. Good things. Anyway.

So not texting or calling DC really paid off tonight. Not that I credit the entire evening's fortune to ignoring her, but I think it might have helped... especially since I found out that last night, when I gave her the balloon flower, she was "ON THE PHONE" with her stalker-- desperately telling him to NOT come over to her house. Obviously she couldn't say that at the time, but she did genuinely dig the gift. Plus, tonight she initiated the kissing not once, not twice, but three times. Before then, I pretty much made all the moves. She either just received them, and kissed back, or would put me on the spot by saying, "What are you doing!?" Twitch, I say, "Could you hold still while I kiss you? Thanks."

We were in her car when she dropped me off and I had just finished telling her (jokingly) that she is the master of mixed signals. I leaned in for a kiss and she practically dove for it. She gave it quite a bit more effort than usual, and I felt the heat in her breath as she kind of panted in resistance. I swear, if I had better hearing, I may have even heard a whimper in her voice. So, having detected desperation, I made it easy for her by pulling away almost immediately and following her empty advice to "have a good night". I turned and began grasping for the door handle, but failed. I searched for only a second before finding it-- then just when my hand reached the latch, I heard a loud "click". I pulled the handle... nothing. She'd locked the damn doors. So I look at my feet, then the mosaic of raindrops on the windshield, then at her lips. All I remember is closing my eyes and meeting her, finally feeling her hand on my neck as we kissed. That's when you know it's truly consensual. It's not a one-way pucker, but a real embrace. Finally, my doubts all along were settled... she wasn't just weirdly charitable about letting me kiss her... she'd been enjoying it this entire time, and she was enjoying it at that moment.

I don't think she's ever looked so beautiful to me before as when she sat there, mouth gaping, struggling to force some combination of clever words out-- but coming up dry. That's right, ladies and gentlemen... I successfully rendered the girl of my dreams speechless. Monumental victory for me... fodder for denial for her.

The struggle continues, though, but I will keep you informed as I try my best not to fuck this up, and mainly, by her suggestion to just "relax."



------
Conversation with a bouncer friend at George's.
Bouncer: Hey Mullis!"
ME: " "Dude, my name isn't Mullis."
Bouncer: "I know, I'm just fuckin' with ya."
ME: "Just call me ---t, man, everyone else does."
Bouncer: "Okay... Mullis."
ME: "Dude, seriously... the next time you call me Mullis, I'm going to pop you in the face."'
Bouncer: "Oh, that'd be stupid. I'd kick your ass."
ME: "Maybe, but I'd still hit you once, and it's going to fucking hurt."
Bouncer: "Ha ha ha... ok.. ok, ---t."
ME: "Thank you."

Reconstruction

So, a number of things have kinda hit the fan. My family has basically decided we're all a bunch of winners. Sister's battery is dead, and a new one is like 60 bucks. She broke up with her boyfriend, which gives me mixed feelings. A week after she gives him the key to our apartment, he gets the axe. I liked this guy, too. He was really the only one who treated her like a lady and didn't get freaky jealous when she hung out with her friends (basically other guys that are like brothers to her). He was protective, but not to a fault. This guy had a lot of integrity and honor, but like so many people I know, his life was basically stuck in "N".

Speaking of "N", that's kind of where I'm at right now. I'm going through the motions with the unemployment stuff, and scheduling interviews with prospective jobs. I met a guy last night who knows the owner of a graphics company. He doesn't know if there's a job opening or not, but I'm willing to check it out. The only hitch is that it's located in Bentonville. Really, I hate the idea of going on the bypass for work every day. I imagine that one day, some soccer mom is going to cut me off causing me to spin out and eat shit in the median grass. Here's an FU in advance, lady.

I caught myself acting crazy last night. DC made a beeline home after the bar closed, leaving me with a very lame hug goodnight. Plus, when she answered the phone earlier, she said, "Hey friend!" Anyway, earlier in the day, I bought her this two dollar balloon flower from a guy who was making balloon animals for kids at the mall. It was a yellow flower, and I thought she'd get a kick out of it because she spent 10 minutes telling me how much she loves yellow roses. I gave her shit for picking out a flower color that symbolizes friendship, twhich she denied having anything to do with her affinity for that particular color. But here and there, she kept hinting at me to not act crazy and "relax!"

So as calmly as I could, I chased her down and caught up with her. She turned around, and said, "I'm on the phone!" Wow. Here, I just wanted to give you this.

Pause.

Once she realized what it was, she started laughing and beating me with it. Good sign? I don't know. I hope she can tell the difference between me just being assertive and a psycho stalker. Just to be on the safe side, I'm not going to call or text her today and let her miss me a little. Or tomorrow, maybe. Knowing her, it may take more than one day. I'll let her go ahead and call me. After all, how shitty would it be to give her that flower (even a balloon one) and not even get a call in the next 48 hours? Okay, that's pretty anal, but really. Three whole days? C'mon, gimme something!

So right now I'm waiting on my sister to get home with my laundry, then I'm gonna hang out with KBT. He's wanting to go shopping, but I think there may be food involved later. We all know how great food can be, huh? Eh? Good stuff.

Oh yea--- I finally saw The Golden Compass a couple days ago. Man, it was awesome. I'm not usually a fan of movies with a child actor(s) as the main character(s) (Narnia made me want to vomit). But this one was pretty damn good. Sam Elliot even has a cameo, and guess who he plays? WTFLOLOMG... himself. It's GREAT! Hah... anyway.

Ups, DHL, and Downs

ADD: Marc, I'm sorry for calling you out. I don't know why I lashed at you like that. Maybe I just needed someone to blame. I know in truth, the only person to blame is myself. I'm still in that whole "this is all bullshit" phase, but I'll get over it and move on soon. Reading what I wrote yesterday, I feel like low-bred scum. I don't know how I allowed myself to get so low. Here is my public apology to you. I'm so very sorry.

***

I can't take it all out on someone that "might" have tattled on me. For all I know, it could be my own fault. Still, I really don't think I deserved to lose my job for getting some tea while I was sick, then later, when I felt a little better, going to pick up my sister's boyfriend from work because she was asleep---nursing herself after catching whatever I had. Apparently, the management sees it another way.

I can't stay mad forever. Either I sit here and bitch about it all day long or I dry those almost-tears forming in the corner of my eye and start filling out applications. Do I have a choice? So many people expect me to be strong and carry on. Some people even laughed and said "No way". My mother didn't even believe me when I told her. It took my sister's firm confirmation in order to gather her acceptance.

I really wonder, even though I have no way of knowing, if anyone will miss me. I know exactly who won't, but I hope the ones I liked will. I know I'll miss them.

Anywho... tomorrow I'll be heading over to the unemployment office and filling out paperwork most of the day. Then around 4:30, I have a date with Ms. Danielle, who finally agreed to hanging out with me. Part of me thinks it shouldn't be so hard to get a date with someone you might be destined to be with, the other part thinks it definitely shouldn't be easy.

Also, something that's much harder than finding a new job, harder than leaving the best job I ever had behind, and harder than telling everyone I know all at once that I lost it.....

Telling my dad.

Interrogation.

Not cool.

Some of my favorite things in life include

HELL YEA! BOOYA!

1. Reconnecting with my inner skater. Thanks to Henry and the donation of his old board, I was able to get acquainted with the acrylic wheel against cold, hard, scratchy, scar-producing pavement. At 3:10 AM. This is the best time, especially since I was hoping that my psycho neighbor downstairs would come out just as I was burning the curb next to her empty mailbox (no gov'ment cheese coming today BEE-YEATCH.)

2. Going to Mickey Finn's. I love that bar. Especially when I know so many people who will say "Oh, I won't go there. It's impossible to get a drink (yet I seem to get peppered every time I go).

3. Danielle. You damn vixen. I finally got the best of you tonight. Jesus, I had no idea your lips were so soft. Maybe now you believe that I'm truly smitten.

4. The onset of winter. JeeeeeeeZUSS, it was bitterly cold tonight. What a wonderful feeling. That made the experience of #3 so much better (cold air; warm lips) for me and (I think) everyone involved. Not to mention the fact that it might actually snow this year (thanks Al Gore, for predicting Global Warming, which could actually result in an early Nuclear Winter.)

5. Parenthesis. Aren't they great? (yes.)

5.5. Not having to work tomorrow. Here's a big ole FUCK WORK. Raise your glass if you have one. If not, raise your pen, because I know you're at work if you're reading this without a drink handy. Cough* M.... *Cough

6. Nicknames. Apparently, my new nickname is Conan. Ain't that the shit?

No really, I love it when...

Our ugly, redneck psycho neighbor downstairs decides to come out in her pj's at 4AM to tell us we woke her up playing on our "skateboard".

When some asshole that calls himself "Joe" tried to convince my sister he was ex-Navy S.E.A.L., yet allowed me to escort him out of Finn's without incident.

Sarah showed up at Arsaga's and, immediately, seeing me with my laptop, demanded I show her the pictures I took the other night, then without hesitation, listed all the ones she wanted me to give her as prints "at least 11x14". Very nice.

Finally, I really love it when my boss calls me and says, "Oh, you're sick... dude, that sucks. By the way, we need to have a formal talk. Some stuff has come up." --- this is where I start looking around for other jobs. AWA is looking good right now. 7:30 AM shift time.... not so good.

Lastly, A'sG telling me that A is "sleepy" and they're not coming out. To which I replied heartily, "Horseshit."

Wait-- one more thing-- sketchy girls. You know who you are. Stop putting some tit out there for the attention and then act surprised when a guy is offended after you shoot him down for the 3rd time. Jesus. Give us a clue.

Not that I've ever been shot down before... cough... *ZAP*

Okay God, so I've been shot down a few times. Jesus. *ZAP*.

Damnit! *ZAP*

Fuck!

..... Fuck... really? Fuck is okay? Sweet! FUUUUUUUCK!

ha ha...

........


....

..

*ZAP*

GS:LDkfJ:LKJ!!!!!!

A response to an ever-present schmoe.

Reminiscent of Mr. Poe, if I do say so.
You speak of a woe
that only few can know.
A woe so oft thrown,
yet few catch and own.
But, sir, I myself row
When I thinkst' you think us a foe.
There for, I say: I dis'gree so.
No. No. No. No.