Returning to our regularly scheduled programming...

I wanted to make blog number 50 kind of a big deal, but it seems that I'm lacking time and energy these days. I think I may have to schedule a doctor's appointment. I've been really tired, sleeping way too long, and generally just lacking in energy.

The KC trip was kind of an eye-opener for me. I returned believing I could pretty much face anything after going through the ordeal of working 15+ hours a day for three days straight. I don't know how doctors do it. Waking up those cold mornings with barely an ounce of consciousness, I found myself at the feet of the men in women in the armed forces. All I had to do was drag tables and curtains around. I mean, there were over 600 tables and about 3200 curtains, with about a thousand metal poles to hang them up with... and it was in a venue that is the same spacial area as a wal-mart supercenter, only twice as long.

But still, there are people just like me who answer a call and in mere minutes, are doing flight checks as they prepare to take off in multi-million dollar airplanes.

And then, there's the "diatribe" I wrote on my personal myspace-- sorry the myspace page is only viewable to people I've added, and I don't plan on dispelling my anonymity here anytime soon, even though a good number of you know exactly who I am. Hopefully this blog has answered to you more about me than you dreamed of knowing. Probably too much, at that.

But I realize more and more that as I continue writing about myself, I figure out how much I don't know. I can't remember who said that first, but he was a much wiser person than I. So wise, in fact, he realized that nobody really knows anything.

There's no real news to speak of here... I'm mostly just lamenting as usual. I will try to experience more interesting things if I can. No promises.

I did meet a new girl. We'll call her AS, since I've hung out with her enough times that she be mentionable. DC is fading to the background as slowly as ever. Even though she tries sometimes to pop back in, I've acquired a sort of shield against her brusque finesse. She apologized for being how she was, but I told her I wouldn't accept because if she's simply being herself, then it'd be terrible for me to require a change. My newly developed theory is that if she really cares that much, she'll put a foot forward and make a real effort. That is one thing she has never really done, so I couldn't benefit much by hoping for a surprise.

AS, on the other hand, has her own flaws. One being that she's a tremendous beer-drinker. Secondly, she's four years to my junior-- a major flaw in my eyes that people keep telling me isn't such a big deal in the first place. I feel like it's a big deal because the environment that I met her suggested she was older. She told me last night, as if I had planned to scoop up her weekdays, that she had homework due on Tuesday. At first it didn't seem important, but I began to realize as the night wore on that she was suggesting for me to influence her away from doing her work. I can't possibly give her that, or take it from her depending on how you look at it. So I created more hesitations in the conversation and dug the first ruts of a moat before she could make too many assumptions about me.

The only thing I ever want out of life is to find a someone I an understand wholly. Yet the last thing I will ever want is for someone to assume they wholly understand me.

Next time, I'll delve about how I gave a 35 year old man a black eye. That was actually the highlight of my week, but it will have to wait.