The Path

Path... a way
Pathos... the ability to elicit emotion
Pathology...the science of the cause and effect of diseases

It's all Latin to me, but really, my path has been all three of these things.

I should really begin by saying that when I was 16 or 17, I knew I was destined to be one of those guys who experienced a lot of crazy things. I knew that during my prime, I'd make the best of it. In a sense, I treated my post-high school lifespan as though it'd be short. For all I know, it may very well be. It's been six years since I graduated high school. Six... years...

I can still remember the things I'd write in my journal about how a the girl I wanted was great in every way, except for the fact that she wouldn't date me. I've changed a little. Now, I actually go after the girls I want. The problem is, I used to be able to distract myself with new crushes or infatuations back then. In a hormonal frenzy, I'd jump from challenge to challenge without so much of a thought about the previous attempts.

Now's a little different. I'm not so hormonal anymore. And instead of looking for challenges, I'm really just in a constant state of seeking encouragement. I love a good chase, but lately, it seems as though the women I'm interested in take a look at me and think to themselves, "I'm going to give him hell."

Six years ago, I would have said, "Bring it."
Today, I say, "Can you please, for the love of God, cut me some fucking SLACK!?"

Of course, it'd be easier if these women knew that they all represent the same person to me. They all represent "the challenge". Otherwise known as "the one"-- at least in the mind of a guy who once explained perverted masturbatory fantasy sketches to his father as "figure drawings".... and got away with it, it would really seem like they are all "the one".

Of course now, I'm dealing with the biggest challenge I've ever seen. But here's the big fit. In order to embrace a challenge... to conquer it... there has to be a goal. My challenge, the ever-present, fickle one... my very own DC, answered this for me just last night. When I asked her, "Why does everything have to be so difficult with you?"

She answered, "Why should it be easy?"

I might have been a little drunk, and under the spell of this woman to an extent... but it really rang true to me. It was almost... profound.

Then again, it could have just been her way of keeping me at a comfortable distance, as usual. And like someone very smart and important once paraphrased:

False hopes beget false faiths. False faiths beget false notions, and false notions beget false believers.

I refuse to be false.