- When entering any household where you want to create as little noise as possible, do the following:
- Take off your shoes before entering.
- Roll up your pants if they scrape at your heels.
- Stare at a dark spot before opening the door. Your eyes will adjust to the absence of light, therefore facilitating the prevention of collision with inanimate objects.
- Breathe through your nose.
- If anyone ever asks you if you are trying to get home with a girl, always say no. Why?
- Because she may overhear the conversation.
- It'll encourage him to try harder, and make you look better.
- It would just be tacky to say "yes."
- When choosing a midnight snack, try to have the following available:
- A hard-boiled egg
- At least one cup of Vit. D Milk
- A high-fiber snack such as Wheat Thins or Triscuts.
- Note... the egg is to provide the protein you've lost after losing sleep. The Vitamin D Milk is good all the time, no matter what, and the fiber snack... well... trust me... that'll help in the morning.
- If it is your first opportunity to have sex with a woman, turn it down.
- If you hook up with her, she will hold your willingness against you.
- If she actually let you hook up with her, you will hold her willingness against her.
- There's about a 60% chance that neither of you have a condom. NOT WORTH IT.
- Top 5 things a woman says that indicates you should run the fuck away
- "I just broke up with my boyfriend,"
- Really means, "I just had a fight with my boyfriend and I want to use you to piss him off."
- Could also mean, "I never had a boyfriend, I'm just have Herpes and I'm desperate."
- Also, "I really need a drink, and I'm going to let you stare at my chest for the duration of this drink/shot, and then bail."
- "BUY ME A SHOT."
- Yea, never dude. Just... never.
- "You see that guy over there? (pause)"
- That guy could be the guy she's comparing you with... in either case, he's sizing you up the entire time. If you want to be a badass, go for it... but she's gonna be a lot like 1.1 (look up)
- As soon as you walk away, she will be talking about you (that guy).
- "It's my birthday tomorrow!"
- "No shit, bitch? You didn't invite me to any fucking party."
- "That's cool. Come by here tomorrow and I'll buy you a shot."
- "Oh, you're probably going to need a ride home tomorrow, right?"
- If you ever talk to people on the internet while drunk, just be aware that they will probably remember more than you.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A Drunk's Guide To Survival
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment